I Can't Get No Satisfaction

Sometimes another person's good fortune makes me wonder when I will get some of my own. Although I am grateful for the many friends I have, my boyfriend, the stable family life, my well-paying job, and my health, I wonder why it appears that good fortune appears to come so easily to other people while I work hard for what I have and still don't reap all the benefits. I remember in high school when it was sooo hard for me to concentrate on studying that I had to push myself every night to concentrate on boring reading material to get my good grades while others barely read the material or read it once and knew it cold the next day.

The same goes for journalism. I've struggled so hard to begin early and found my first internship in sophomore year of college but didn't have my first recognized magazine internship until I was already out of school. Others got internships at Seventeen, CosmoGirl, and RedBook in college. If I had known then what I know now, perhaps things would have been easier for me but instead I feel as if I'm late in the game, despite the fact that I do seem to have a lot of experience. Nevertheless, the name sells as much as the work you did at a particular mag.

These feelings come back with full force as I received the good news that my internship supervisor at US Weekly magazine, also an editorial assistant, is now moving to CosmoGirl as an associate entertainment editor. I am extremely happy for her because it seems like every job she's had right after college was exactly what she wanted (or exactly what I wanted haha,) but at the same time I wonder when am I going to get my big break? Perhaps I shouldn't have immediately taken this fact checking gig and waited until a better editorial assistant position came up (I've heard of girls who've waited a year before they took a position of their liking) and I do like my job, but when will it be my turn to get the job of my choice?

I am grateful for what I do have, but I hate to be unsatisfied. I want more more more! Better and better and better! I want to play piano with practicing, learn Ivrit without studying, and get a journalism gig without trying. But life doesn't work like that. It appears like those girls that got those great jobs didn't work hard for it, but they struggled just as I did. I just hate that the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. When will it be my turn?

I hope soon.